Introducing...

My darling husband has threatened to start his own blog for years, and he has finally made good on his promise! If you get a chance to check it out, please keep in mind that he's been bottling up his creativity for years and forgive his exuberance. Also, perhaps now people will have a bit more sympathy for me and throw a few more prayers in my direction. ;-)

CONGRATS KYLE!!! Welcome to the wonderful world of blogging!!! I love you!

Grateful Heart

Feeling grumpy today, so I thought I would do 2 things to cheer myself up: (a) think of ten things for which I am grateful, and (b) LIST THEM!

Without further ado, I am grateful for...

10) The Internet. Over the last 12 years I have been able to learn more about the world, people I love, and myself because the Internet allows for easy and inexpensive communication. It can be my #1 time-waster, but as long as I'm careful about that, it makes my life richer.

9) The Montessori Method. The Secret of Childhood has been revealed to me, my husband, and our children through Maria Montessori's love for God and children and her method of education. I spend a lot less days wallowing in Mommy-Guilt because my children attend the best Montessori school around!

8) Attachment Parenting (or whatever "they" are calling it these days!). Again, another reason my visits to the Land of Mommy-Guilt are few and far-between. I like to say that we are raising our children with no (OK, few?) regrets.

7) A roof over my family's head. There are so very many families who do not have a real home or a home in a safe place. I can get too caught up in the worry of what is lacking in my home (i.e. not enough space, scuffed floors, etc) instead of seeing the beauty that it contains (my husband and our children).

6) Food, water, heat, and electricity. (Yes, I am lumping "the basic needs" together. Gotta problem with that? Fine, I'll throw in sunshine, as well!) I am blessed to live in a country that makes it comparatively easy to have access to all of these things on a consistent basis.

5)  Coffee. Have I mentioned that I have six kids? This is the fuel that enables me to keep my head above water. This is the numero uno item on every shopping list. Every morning, the first thing that I think of after my feet hit the floor is, "Keurig. Half-and-half. Splenda.". Not kidding. Even a little bit.

4) My car. Yes, this is materialistic, I can't help it. I heart my Chevy Suburban, with leather seats, remote start, and exactly enough seats for all the behinds in this crazy family.

3) My Treasures on Earth and in Heaven, my children. As one of our parish priests once told me, each child is an "account" you open in Heaven; the children you have on earth are mainly "deposit only", but the "accounts" in Heaven are full of graces that are to be withdrawn as soon as you ask! I will never do or have anything in this life that will equal to raising my kids. I am so very proud of all of them!

2) My Beloved. No sarcasm. My husband is my Beloved in every way. I am deeply, madly in love with this man. He is my best friend. We have been in love for almost 20 years, and married for nearly 17 of those years. Every year that passes brings us to a deeper, truer, more understanding and sacrificial love for each other. And, if he ticks me off after I write this, his dinner will be served in the alley behind our home. Kidding. No, I'm not.

1) My God. I was blessed to be born a Catholic and raised in a devoutly Catholic family. My Faith has saved me in more ways than I care to remember, or will ever know about, perhaps. God loves me and blesses me every minute of every day, even when I know He's laughing at my temper tantrums. (Yes, I still have those. I'm Irish. I was born with red hair.) I know that I would not even have the luxury of complaining about my blessings without the grace of God.

What are the things for which you are most grateful today?

I Must Be Getting Old...

Remember when you were a teenager and you watched your parents or grandparents freak out over something that seemed relatively minor to you? For example, when I was 16, my grandmother went shopping with me at a local department store. As we entered the Juniors department, the jazzy, soothing muzak that the store piped in over the speakers became this jarring, slightly heavy-metal-type rock and roll. Almost immediately, my grandmother's lips formed a tight, thin line through which I heard something like, "Pick out your damn pants and let's get out of this screaming nightmare.". I remember thinking, "Geez, it's not that loud. Why is she so bothered by a little noisy music?". (Also, I may have rolled my eyes when her back was turned, by I can neither confirm or deny that.)

It was always the "little things" like that incident, that convinced me that my grandmother or one of my parents was overly impatient and intolerant. A waitress that took too long to bring our meal to the table. An argument between me and one of my siblings. The phone ringing for the 17th time during dinner. All of these things could potentially yield a very cranky comment and/or look from my "elders". What was the big stinking deal, people? Chill out. I would never react that way. Ne.Ver.

A couple of months ago, as I shopped in a local department store for my son's 1st Communion suit, I realized I was becoming more and more agitated with each minute that passed. The store was ridiculously crowded (think street fair in some third world nation crowded), the racks of clothes were all out of order, price tags were missing, there was absolutely no pants in a size 7. As my husband touched my shoulder to let me know that he was taking the baby and our son to a less crowded part of the store, I jumped about 12 feet in the air and snapped, "WHAT?!". Another proud moment to add to my memoirs. I tried to calm down but I felt like I could have been confused with one of the meth addicts on Intervention: jumpy, twitchy, cranky, and wild-eyed. What in the name of all that is holy was making me act this way?

In a word: AGE.


Is there some invisible "age line" that we cross that turns us from a laid-back hipster into the old lady who sits on her front porch screaming at the neighborhood kids to get off her lawn? Maybe, but I don't think so.

I believe that, like fine wine, it happens gradually and within certain environmental conditions.

Over the years of my adulthood, I have watched as minutes, days, and months have been taken away from me just because I have spent the time waiting on hold or arguing with sassy customer service people. For the past almost-16 years, I have been daily subjected to the sights, sounds, and smells of a cheap zoo in China, while never having to leave my own home. I have stood by while an apple that cost me $2.99/lb was thrown in the garbage with one bite taken out of it because it displeased a finicky 2-year-old. I have asked God to hold back my hand during Mass so I would not use it to smack my bratty 4-year-old who was stage-whispering, "I hate Jesus" over and over again.

Yes, the spirit and will that my own parents worked so hard to preserve and protect in me has been worn down and hopelessly broken over the years. Let's pause for a moment of silence for My Spirit...

**********************************************************************************

Thank you.

Does that mean I am now an nearly-empty, bitter shell? Lordy, I sure hope not!

I realized that my character has been burnished to a fine shine. I have learned to not take less than is owed to me (or my family). I have learned that tolerance has a time and place and should be used with compassion, but not squandered in foolishness. I have learned that my days are numbered and I should spend them usefully --- OK, maybe I am still learning this one.

When I look at my parents (and, my grandparents, when they were alive), I realize how much I truly enjoy their characters, how much I still learn from them as people, not just as "Mom" and "Dad". I see that they have learned how to treat people well, while still commanding respect for themselves. I see that, even in their persnickety moments, they look for Christ in others (but NOT in loud, offensive music). I see that I, too, must learn to "use my crankiness wisely.".

Now, I am just waiting to see how my children will learn. And, look for the signs of senility in their mother.

We interrupt this regularly scheduled blog...

OK, so maybe not so regularly scheduled...

Anyhoo... I WON!!!! I WON!!!

Oh, just watch the video...

And, THANK YOU to Lydia and Kate! Love you gals!


(I totally promise to post more regularly. Really.)

Now I've REALLY Lost My Dang Mind!

OK, stepping out of my comfort zone completely here.

For those of you who know me, you are familiar with the part of my personality that prevents me from choosing paint colors, wall tiles, or plumbing fixtures. I cannot explain this indecisive part of me, as I usually have no problem choosing anything else (new cars, babies' names, pizza toppings, etc); it's just there. Even after I have chosen a wall color and painted an entire room in that color, I still can waver between love and hate for the new color. Maybe I'm fickle. If I am, only my husband should be worried. As it is, he has no idea that I'm about to post this particularly crazy idea on this blog. (D.R.A.M.A.)

Anyhoo, we need to re-paint three "major" rooms in our house and three-ish major rooms at our lake house. Needless to say, the part of my brain that is supposed to choose the wall colors for these rooms is scared fecal-less. Here's where you, the enlightened and fashion-forward readers of this blog, come in: help me choose!

I can narrow the choices down to 2 or 3 colors per room, but you have to vote for the one you think I should use!

Let's start with our "regular" house and worry about the vacation house later (like Spring... of 2012?) .Later this week, I will post pictures of our living room, dining room, and kitchen. In the same post I will try to figure out how to put in a voting widget (tech-y suggestions?) that shows my paint color choices for each room. Then... YOU VOTE! Whichever paint color receives the most votes will get slapped up on the walls of that room. Promise. I will even post "after" pictures to prove my honesty and commitment.

Truly, you are doing me a great service. Now, if you could do the actual painting for me...

Peace

Today, I just needed to re-read and pray this:

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.


O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

 I needed to read it s.l.o.w.l.y. I needed to read it thoughtfully. I needed to read it prayerfully. It seems that there is a crapload lot of upheaval in the world all around us right now. It also seems that there is a lot of upheaval in my tiny "world within the world" lately.

Nothing horrific. Mostly just your garden-variety angst. Typical parenting stuff that you would expect in any family, maybe just ratcheted up a notch because our family is more than twice the size of the average family in the U.S.. So, while it's typical for a child to go through incredibly selfish stages of brattiness developmental phases that drive their parents into states of froth-mouthed insanity test their parents patience, it's a little more tricky when you have 3 or 4 kids going through different phases simultaneously. AND, one child's phase can, directly and indirectly, affect another child's phase. 

 What does this mean for parents like my husband and myself? Three things:

1. Prioritizing:  While each child's phase is important (especially to that child!), some phases require a more "hands-on" approach than others. This does not mean we ignore or downplay certain phases --hence, our exhaustion!--, it simply means that we deal with certain phases more directly and firmly than we do with others. And, it all works out in the end, because eventually you'll be that kid who is in that phase which merits "top priority" --- and you'll probably hate all the attention!
2. Teamwork:  Recently, my husband was on the other side of the freaking planet out of the country sightseeing and getting hours of uninterrupted sleep on business and I witnessed the absolute and total need for a two-parent home. Sorry,I am not single-parent-bashing here, just giving those single parents major kudos if they can make it through the child-raising years without selling their kids to the gypsies losing all sanity. Instead of saying, "Listen Mister, just wait until Daddy gets home tonight!", I found myself saying, "Listen Mister, just wait until we Skype with Daddy tonight!"; not an equally scary threat. It really does take two present parents to raise children, and sometimes a third parent would be ideal.
3. Prayer: Lots and lots of prayer. This does not include phrases uttered in exasperation, such as "Sweet Lord! Please remove the vocal chords from these children for just 5 minutes!". Wait. Maybe it does include phrases like that. As much as I know and talk about "giving all burdens over to God", it is really, really difficult to do that. Trust, hope, and pray. Trust, hope, and pray. C'mon, say it with me now!

Number three brings me right back to where I started: St. Francis.
THANK YOU, St. Francis. THANK YOU, Lord.
I need to be reminded to ask for peace, to let myself be used as a "instrument of peace", and that there is peace. Always.

Overheard

With the beginning of each school year comes new clothes, new colored pencils, new friends, and new things we've never heard before.

And, by "we", I mean "parents".

This year has not disappointed. Five of our six kids are enrolled in school, and four of those five had meetings that parents were required to attend (a big "THANK YOU!" goes out to my son's high school who doesn't seem to care about seeing any parents unless their kids are in trouble). My husband and I divvied up the meetings as fairly as possible (Me: 3.5 meetings, Him: 1 meeting. Fair, like I said.) and tried our best to hunker down and hide behind the teacher's handouts. Our goal is to "get in/get out" and, yes, we are the people who hate you if you ask ANY question because it prolongs the meeting unnecessarily. *Side note: Lest you think we are old cranks, we have been attending these meetings unfailingly since 1997, and it just gets OLD after the first 7 or 8 years.*

And, because you know how I love to make lists, I am going to give you some of the interesting (read as "un-freaking-believable") things my husband and I heard at some of these meetings:

1. The teacher in my 2nd grader's class made the decision to eliminate the privilege of trading/sharing lunches in the class, because one of the children has a severe chromosomal disorder which makes consuming most carbohydrates essentially lethal for this child, as well as causing him to have zero impulse control when it comes to resisting carbs. This child's father gave a lengthy description of this child's disorder, the history of his care, and of his very uncertain future, then left to attend another of his children's meetings. Immediately after his exit, another father in the class proceeded to complain that it was "unfair" and "un-Montessori" of the teacher to change the rules on trading, and it was infringing on his son's right to, apparently, do whatever the heck he wants to do regardless of the well-being of others. Yeah. Only one word comes to mind when I think of this guy, and I can't say it here. Jackhole. Whoops, sorry.
2. The same teacher told us that the best way to reach her was to send in a note with your child or leave her a voice mail message at school. Another jackhole father asked her, "You don't use email?" Teacher says, "No. I don't give out my email address for various personal reasons." Jackhole Daddy asks, "And, what are those reasons?". Uh-huh. So, Mr. Nosy, didja hear the word "personal"? And, what I'd like to know, even more, is this: were you planning on trying to convince the teacher that her personal reasons were wrong? In the middle of the class meeting?
3. At the class meeting for my 3-year-old's Primary class (ages 3 to 6), one set of Type-A parents wanted to know what allowances the The Montessori Method has made for technology. Yes, because what I want the most in the whole wide world is for my 3-year-old to go to school and spend even more time staring at electronic screens. Mr. and Mrs. Our-Child-Will-Never-Be-Able-To-Add-Without-A-Calculator, listen up: I'm sure in your 6 whole years as excellent managers of your child's life parents, you have realized that children log in a huge amount of hours in front of TVs, computers, and video games; in fact, too many hours.  I, for one, do not want my tuition to be converted into quarters to be used at a classroom arcade. But, I'm sure your son will have a very happy future at the Ho-Chunk Casino slot machines.
4. And, to the mother who loves to be her 4-year-old daughter's slave, I just want to say that I really do not care one whit that your child is afraid of the toilet flushing. And, no, I don't think she should have a "designated flusher" every time she "makes tinkle" (grrrrr. Grow up! We are all adults here! It's called "pee-pee"!). I'm sure the teacher with 25 years teaching experience is going to immediately try to hire a person to accommodate your daughter's neuroses. Also, I know you think she should be able to bring and use her own disposable toilet seat covers, because "she can't stand to sit on an icky-wicky potty", but I think using regular old toilet paper to cover the seat is good enough for every other of the 172 students, so it's good enough for The Poopy Princess. Sorry, was I being too mean? Well, I'm probably having a crash from low blood-sugar because this meeting was scheduled at my dinnertime and it's now 90 minutes past that!
5. On to the mother of the 2nd-grader who wanted to know what the "theme" for the year would be... OK, I got nothing. I'm truly flabbergasted. A theme? Really? A? Theme? How about the theme of EDUCATION??? Lady, this is your daughter's third year at this particular Montessori school, her second year with this particular teacher. At what point did you think you had enrolled her at The Wiggles Playschool? 

I already know what some of you are thinking. I'm being too cranky, harsh, touchy, whatever..... Obviously, you are neither a parent who has attended a class meeting nor a teacher who has led one. Or, worse, you are one of those parents.

The good news is that most people seem to come to their senses by the time their child reaches 4th grade. Those meetings tend to move quickly and genially. And, next year, I'm bringing margaritas!