Not that I haven't been down this road a MILLION times before, but I had to have the "talk" with my OB on Wed. Here's how it went (slightly paraphrased, but not much cuz I'm still riled):
Dr: "I know I've asked you this before, but I just wanted to make sure.... you are NOT interested in a tubal ligation, right?"
Me: "That's correct."
Dr: "Is this because of a religious thing, or????"
Me: "You could say it stems from that."
Dr: "Because you can go to your priest or minister and tell them it's for medical reasons, and then we can do it."
Me: "If a Catholic priest is giving "permission" for things that the
Catholic CHurch teaches are ALWAYS morally wrong, then he's a liar and a
really bad Catholic, to boot. Priests are people, they are imperfect.
That's why I always verify my facts with the source I know to be
Dr: "OK, it's just that this is sooooo dangerous."
Let me ask you this... Have I come across as uneducated, ignorant, or
fanatical in any way during this entire pregnancy? Have I not asked some
very educated questions and discussed things with you calmly and
Dr: "Oh, yes! Yes! You're very competent!"
Me: "Have I
also not made it clear that my husband and I totally understand the
risks involved and that WE stand the most to lose if something goes
Me: "And, knowing all of these things about me
and knowing that I know how frightening this can be, don't you think
that if I disagreed with Natural Law and the teachings of my faith OR if
I felt there was a loophole somewhere, I would be exploring it?
Wouldn't I be the FIRST to try that? It just so happens that I AGREE
with the reason for "why not". I understand that you are concerned for
my physical health, but I have to be worried about so much more than
Dr: "OK, OK. It's just that, by law, I'm required to ask."
Me: "Really? By LAW? I've had other health care providers that never
asked, so either they were skirting the law or that's not really true."
Dr: "Well, what I mean is that you'd have to make that decision NOW, legally, and not wait any longer."
Me: "Well, that's a completely different thing, isn't it? And, I think I
was pretty clear back in September when I said that it was something I
would never, under ANY circumstances consider. There are very few things
in life that I can say are 100% no-going-back-on decisions, but this is
one of them. Sorry that the law made us waste your time like this." (I
did say this with a wink and a grin, but still...).
This is a conversation that I've had in several other pregnancies with various providers (OBs and NPs). To me, it represents how stereotyping happens even in the most professional of circles (maybe ESPECIALLY there) and how even when you present yourself as lucid, well-informed, easy-to-dialogue-with, and reasonable, people STILL cannot use one iota of their imagination to try and understand what you are saying.
And, I was wearing make-up and nice clothes, too!
*This is for my good buddy, Dwija!