- "Idiots" tweet/update stupid things and you feel an overwhelming urge to choke your smartphone.
- Their "idiot friends" comment/reply on/to these updates and you experience extreme eye-rolling to the extent that it brings on a migraine.
- Every blog post is either "rife with sniveling snark" OR the "most profound thing you've ever read!" -- there is no in-between.
- Not only do you ignore/postpone interactions with your kids, but you feel anger towards them when they interrupt a genius comment you are typing out re: nurturing motherhood.
- Husband? What husband?
- You get excited for bathroom trips because it means you can have uninterrupted time with the iPad.
- Ditto for nursing the baby.
- You can load the dishwasher AND play on Facebook at the same time.
- You realize you are justifying your time online with phrases that sound a lot like an alcoholic justifying her trips to the bar.
- People online have taken A LOT of precedence over your family and friends -- and, on most days, it seems like a relief.
If this sounds a lot like you, please consider joining me in giving up Facebook and Twitter for Lent.
Truthfully, I can't wait to see the way my life improves!